Life, etc.

After last summer's life-changing experiences, I figured that for my senior year of college, life would be relatively predictable. As you can probably guess, I was totally wrong! But, the unpredictable nature of this year has made it quite possibly the best year of my life. 

After being accepted for a teaching position with an overseas missions group, I spent the fall semester preparing and learning how to be the Christian woman, friend and leader God desires me to be. Then just before I returned to campus for spring semester I was introduced to a man named Brandon through some friends. From the moment we met, and in the weeks that followed, we both realized that something very real and significant was happening between us. Through prayer and plenty of conversation with each other and the important people in our lives, we happily entered into a serious relationship. Why through lots of prayer and conversation? 

"...accepted for a teaching position..." That's why. When I had come to the decision about my relationship with Brandon, I notified my future employers. Though they had advised me to remain single before leaving the country (starting a relationship before moving overseas for a year?), I explained how committed we are and the confirmation that we had both received from God about it. Despite that, they came back to me with an ultimatum, which boiled down to relationship vs. teaching position. 

I was pretty surprised, especially because of how strongly I was convicted about both situations, and so after more prayer and conversations with important people in my life, I decided to shelve the teaching position and remain in my relationship with Brandon. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and it has definitely tested some of my friendships. 

So I'm back at square one for what's next in life, but I'm closer to God than ever, and happier than I thought was possible. It's been an exercise in trust and obedience and the blessings have been unbelievable. I'll be writing more about this whole process, but I wanted to let you in on why I've been MIA lately!

How's life, etc, for you?

Me and God

Today, I went to my chapter of Intervarsity's bi-daily prayer meetings for the first time. I chose the time that was best for me, since I'll go back every week, and I brought my bible and my journal along with me. I wasn't quite sure what to expect (other than duh, praying) so I showed up and sat down. After explaining what it was all about, and what we would be doing structure-wise, we prayed.

We prayed for a full half hour -- about God's glory and goodness, about friends that we want to be impacted by God, and finally about anything else that came to mind.

And you know what? It was great.

Though I've tried different ways to get myself to pray more often, being forgetful as I am makes it hard. If I try to pray before I go to bed, I just fall asleep, and I want my prayers to be sincere, not just routine.

That was the difference at the prayer meeting. As we prayed about God's mercy and creativity, I was struck by an interesting thought. I was in this place for one half hour, and all I had to do was pray. I didn't need to pray quickly so I could fall asleep, or pray before I did my reading so I could hurry up and get to class. I just got to pray, without limitations or worries distracting me. I was there to pray, and that was it. No agenda, just me and God.

If you can get to one of these bi-daily prayer meetings, I would highly, highly recommend it. Don't have them set up at your school, chapter or church? Start a trend, guys. It's really worth it.

Is prayer sometimes difficult for you, too?
(P.S. Have you heard that Josh Turner song about Me and God?)

Fear of the Unknown

Though I've done plenty of things that should have scared me silly because I had never done them before, I don't ever remember being very scared.

I did a four day backpacking trip into the Grand Canyon. Was I anxious? Definitely. But not scared. I loved every second of it, even hiking along ledges with a 25 pound pack in the dark. It was exhilarating.

I've run a horse through a pattern as fast as we can, aiming for and then swiftly turning around barrels and poles. But the first time wasn't scary at all.

But now, I'm afraid. Not because of an assumed danger, or an intimidating factor like that. I'm afraid because I might know exactly what God wants me to do with my life. And having God tell you what he wants you to do -- well that's quite the event.

I guess you deserve some background for this whole thing, right? I know, I get ahead of myself. I spend a lot of time thinking about what God's plan is for my future. I know that he has one for me, for everyone, but being in college and having to make all of these decisions on what I'm going to do with my life means that the subject of 'the future' comes up way too often. Pretty regularly, I talk about it with my good friend, Jordan S. She's feeling the same way I am, so she asked God to give her a verse to clarify what she thought God was telling her.

And he did. He showed a verse that (though she had never seen it before) aligned directly with what she had seen as her plan for her future. It was perfect.

So I knew I had to try it. To open myself up to God, and to ask him to tell me what I need to do for him, and then to listen when he told me.

Now? I'm scared! It seems silly, but the idea that in a brief moment, I might understand even a tiny portion of the plans He has for me is mind-blowing. Am I ready to know the path that my life will take? My relationship with Him has never been better, and I feel so connected that I feel like he could walk up right now and tell me what's what! I've spent all this time asking God why I couldn't just know his plan, but now that I know that he just might give me a glimpse, I'm scared silly.

But I'm going to do it. I know that's what I need to do.

Have you ever done something in your relationship with Christ that has been intimidating or scary? Any advice?

(Maybe a better title would have Fear of the Soon-to-be-Known!)

P.S.: That's my new bible and prayer journal. In love with both.