Life, etc.

After last summer's life-changing experiences, I figured that for my senior year of college, life would be relatively predictable. As you can probably guess, I was totally wrong! But, the unpredictable nature of this year has made it quite possibly the best year of my life. 

After being accepted for a teaching position with an overseas missions group, I spent the fall semester preparing and learning how to be the Christian woman, friend and leader God desires me to be. Then just before I returned to campus for spring semester I was introduced to a man named Brandon through some friends. From the moment we met, and in the weeks that followed, we both realized that something very real and significant was happening between us. Through prayer and plenty of conversation with each other and the important people in our lives, we happily entered into a serious relationship. Why through lots of prayer and conversation? 

"...accepted for a teaching position..." That's why. When I had come to the decision about my relationship with Brandon, I notified my future employers. Though they had advised me to remain single before leaving the country (starting a relationship before moving overseas for a year?), I explained how committed we are and the confirmation that we had both received from God about it. Despite that, they came back to me with an ultimatum, which boiled down to relationship vs. teaching position. 

I was pretty surprised, especially because of how strongly I was convicted about both situations, and so after more prayer and conversations with important people in my life, I decided to shelve the teaching position and remain in my relationship with Brandon. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and it has definitely tested some of my friendships. 

So I'm back at square one for what's next in life, but I'm closer to God than ever, and happier than I thought was possible. It's been an exercise in trust and obedience and the blessings have been unbelievable. I'll be writing more about this whole process, but I wanted to let you in on why I've been MIA lately!

How's life, etc, for you?

The Beginning of the End

Well, friends, this is it. Today is my last first day as a college student.

Just like kindergarten! (read her blog, Jordan Johanna)

While I'm experiencing the euphoria that can only be caused by the realization that I'll never have to go to class again, I'm also aware of the beautiful experience that going to college up here in the great white north has been.
So this is the beginning of the end of my college career, which is great and exciting and encouraging. But it's also the end of the beginning of the rest of my life -- this is the kickoff, and I couldn't be more thrilled.
Today, I am happier, healthier, wiser and more fulfilled than I've ever been.

So here we go, huh? Let's make it count.

A Social Butterfly

Yuck! First of all, I find that phrase absolutely cloying. Social butterfly? No, thank you! Okay, it's not that bad, but there are better ways to state it, I think.

My thoughts today are on being an extrovert. I've mentioned it in passing before, but I'm an ENFJ. That's the classification from the Meyers-Briggs (Jung) personality test, which you should definitely take! Essentially, like any personality "test", you answer a series of questions, and it tells you what you are like, what tendencies you have.

Since women have a million quizzes thrown at them from the pages of every issue Seventeen and Glamour from the time they are 13, I've taken quite a few. However, the Meyers-Briggs is different, and in my experience, terrifyingly accurate. (In a good way...)

One of the ways it helps to define whether you are an extrovert or an introvert is by asking a question about how you relax: At the end of a long day, would you rather stay at home and unwind alone and quiet, or would you rather go out with friends and celebrate a day over?

I already knew I was an extrovert, just because I like to be around people, but this break, I realized the extent to which I'm an extrovert. Have a bunch of people over for a party? Lets invite 20 more people. Going out for a casual lunch with a couple friends? I'd like to invite six more people. When I am home alone (which happens more often during breaks, since my parents work) for more than a day or so at a time with nothing to do, I start to get crazy. CABIN FEVER!

I need to be around people to feel energized and renewed and happy. I proved it this break, and luckily, lots of my friends are extroverts, so I don't have to pester my poor roommate too much. She's an introvert. But we love each other anyway.

Have you taken the Meyers-Briggs? What are you? Has it helped you to understand yourself or others better?

(PS: RFP hit 3000 views! Thanks friends!)

Christmas Wishes

Hello friends! Merry Christmas! Did you enjoy your Christmas? I hope so.

Mine was lovely -- my brother and sister-in-law are in town, my granddad and his wife drove over to our place Christmas morning, and I got to ride a horse on Christmas Eve! It was a treat.

I know I'm technically a couple days late with the Christmas wishes, but I didn't think anyone would mind a little break between finals week and blogging about Christmas, right? Plus, I was busy as a bee sewing and crocheting Christmas presents. My mother had my nose to the grindstone. (Love her though!)

As great and fun as my Christmas was, it's not 24/7 peaches and cream and puppy dogs, if you know what I mean. I think everyone experiences this. When you get a lot of people with pasts (relatives) and put them in a pretty small place (your house) and then make them all stay in that place and interact (Christmas Eve, Christmas, parties -- you name it), eventually, even the sweetest group is gonna have some scuffles.

In light of that, I hope that you can find the patience and peace that you need in loving and understanding your family members. I only have one brother, and though sometimes I'd like to wring his (not so scrawny anymore) little neck, I love him and my sister-in-law to pieces. They really are some of the most important people in my life.

So here's to finishing out this fantastic season with both your brain and your families intact and thriving. Cheers!

Men and Women Can't Be Friends

If you follow me on twitter, you might have seen this video I posted a couple of days ago. If not, enjoy, before I dive in:

Honestly, you only have to watch the first minute to realize that it's true: men and women can't be friends. Without fail, every girl says yes, and every guy says no. It doesn't get much clearer than that, right?

I have a lot of things swirling around in my head about this one. I'm sure had I been interviewed, I would have said yes, just like the rest of the girls. Because I want to be friends with guys, but evidently, it's not gonna happen.

So I guess my only option now is to ask: what now?
If you agree (or if you don't!) that guy and girls can't be friends, what does that mean? How does that change communication and interactions between guys and girls? Should it change?

Does this make you want to watch When Harry Met Sally?
Please chime in with a comment, I'm really interested in what you have to say!

Learning: Why?

Hi.

How are you? Doing well? I hope you are.
Perhaps understandably, my last post was a little difficult to write and publish. Part of my stubbornness manifests itself in the form of wanting to seem like I've got it all together. I just want people to see that I can handle the things given to me, and do the tasks assigned to me with finesse.

So this post is even harder. The past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about dating and relationships, and having conversations with a lot of people about those things. After having broken up with my boyfriend of five years in July, I casually dated a new guy. And then that kind of stopped, for various reasons: our personal goals and convictions are different, distance, and some other things I probably don't know about. And while I can reason that this is best, and it is what I actually want, I can't help but feel really deflated.

I've been thinking about that emotion, and telling people "Yeah, we're not gonna date, and that's probably best, but for some reason I'm really bummed." Most everyone just says, "Aw, that's tough. Sorry, " and gives that pity look -- you know the one.

So what? Why am I -- someone who is strong, smart, happy, and blessed -- feeling so helpless?
I think it comes down to how I relate to men.

I look to the men in my life to affirm, love, appreciate, lead, discipline, encourage and support me. Look at those things: they aren't bad, right? All positive elements of a good relationship. Except that the only place that I look for that is in men. Usually one.

Why?
I have a superb group of female friends and leaders, a supportive church family and mother, but for whatever reason, their attempts to fill those roles for me just seem to fall flat. Why?

Much to my dismay, I don't have the answer to that question. But I'm thinking about it, and praying about it. If you have any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them. It's gettin' real! Until next time, friends.

Poetry

Have you ever noticed that once in a while, life is so poetic it's almost painful to experience it?

There are so many moments in writing and in film that are so perfectly put together. It's fiction, right? Fantasy? So these things are allowable. You know how it is, don't you?

The band of bedraggled and nearly beaten warriors crests a hill as the sun rises, and sees their destination just ahead.
The couple who has crossed paths time and time again but never met suddenly crash into each other while looking stunning, and they instantly realize their soul mates.

It's a nice idea, sure, I'll give you that. But it's not real.

Or at least it isn't most of the time.
Because once in a while, as you sit at your cozy desk, with the warm light of the lamp across your page, someone will tell you something you were hoping you wouldn't have to hear. It will start to rain.
And it's just a little too cinematic to seem fair.

Slipping

One of the reasons that I started blogging originally was to have a creative outlet. Or maybe that's not quite accurate. More clearly, I needed somewhere to pour out my heart -- to process the things swirling around inside my head that maybe I didn't want an immediate response to, like I would get from confiding in a friend.

That's still true. I still need it. But in some ways, I've forgotten that, how therapeutic it is to just write my heart. So here I am. To write, and explain, and understand and breathe.

I hope I'll be more consistent -- it's so easy these days for things to just get away from you, you know? I can check my email, facebook and twitter all from my phone, not to mention texting, and phone calls and browsing the internet. I'm so connected, but it is far, far too easy for things -- for people -- to slip through the cracks.

I've let that happen lately. Sometimes it's been favors or jobs that other's have asked me to do. Sometimes it's been appointments, or assignments, or just my own intention to do something with or for someone. And as much as it hurts me to realize that I've essentially forgotten someone, I can't imagine how rude it must seem to them. Like I don't care, or they don't matter -- when really, that's not true at all.

So I'm working on that. I'm trying to be more focused, organized and on track with the people I really care about. And the people I don't. Forgive me?

Cool. Let's talk again, soon, huh?

Seasons

Hello friends!

After a busy completion to the school year, I spent one week at home, one on Catalina Island at "Chapter Camp" and then 5 weeks having one of the most life-changing experiences I've ever had.

While I would be happy to fill you in totally on my five week cultural exchange, this is not the medium to do so in, so please, let me know if you would like to talk about it! But what I will talk about here is the changes that happened in my mind, in my heart and in my relationship with God.

While my semester was full of really fantastic and fun experiences, I was also struggling with maintaining a long distance relationship, though the distance was not the real issue. This came to a head at the end of the school year, and my boyfriend and I took a 'break' (which is essentially having space to think and process without dating other people). Then, I left for the exchange.

On the trip, I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with God and with people who challenged me to follow and know God more fully. I spent a lot of time in scripture and worship. All in all, it was really inspiring and challenging trip, and some big things changed in my life.

So, the essentials:

Then: I thought I would graduate and then apply for the InterVarsity internship (which would still be awesome!) at my chapter.

Now: I really have a heart for global ministry, and hope to be preparing to move out of the country this time next year.

Then: I thought that I would be married to my boyfriend this time next year.

Now: I realize that our relationship was not all that it could have been, and our differences both in communicating and in our goals led to me ending the relationship.

Then: I was vulnerable in conversations or ways that made me seem like I had it all together.

Now: I'm real. I'm not perfect and I don't have to be. It's all good.

All in all? This summer is the best I've ever had. Can you believe it?

How is your summer so far?

Stuck in My Head: Guy Sebastian & Jordin Sparks

If we are anything alike, every now and then, you will hear a song.
It's pretty good, so you listen again. Now you really want to get the lyrics, so you listen again.
Pretty soon you are on repeat number 236 and you have every word and vibratto memorized.

I do that a lot. Part of it is how I learn (I find that I can memorize things (especially songs) very easily after hearing them a few times) and another is that some songs are just too good.

This song, performed by Guy Sebastian and Jordin Sparks is definitely one of those. Sure, I'm in love with the sound of the song itself, but the lyrics are golden.

Here is a link to the video, on youtube: "Art of Love". You should go listen to it.

I've found a new level of appreciation for communication recently, and this song is just encouraging open communication. Talking it out is so important in a relationship; with your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and with God.

Have a song stuck in your head? Fill me in. I would love to hear it! :)