Learning: Psychology

It seems to me that the usual process is this: the older you get, the more you learn about the world, the people you know, and hopefully, yourself. Of course, some people differ from that trajectory, as is true of all generalizations. Some people are just really self-aware naturally, and at a young age. Others are in denial, not understanding things about themselves or others, and not wanting to.

As a christian, I spend quite a bit of time reflecting on my personality and the decisions I make. In fact, last year, during a bible study, I realized that some of my close friends were so self-aware that they could understand why they had made a bad or foolish decision, and had even begun to prevent themselves for falling into the 'traps' that they had succumbed to in the past.

I was astonished. I couldn't do that, I couldn't understand why I did a lot of the things that I did, as strange as that sounds. So I decided to embark on a journey of self-discovery! (Ha!) Okay, I didn't phrase it or think of it like that, realistically I thought: "How great to be able to understand your own decisions so clearly! I want to be more like Adriane and Jennifer!"

So I tried it. And this year, I have become much more aware of my own tendencies and feelings and thought processes. You can see that even in how my writing has changed! Part of that is my adventures into self-awareness and reflection with God, but also in the past couple of semesters, I've been taking psychology classes for fun. While there is some questionable content in the world of psychology, overall, it can be really helpful when you are trying to classify and categorize features of your personality. (And in other people, interestingly enough.)

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is the idea that people deserve more credit than we usually give them. The more I interact and get involved with people, the more intrigued, baffled and in love I am with them. We're all so different, and funny enough, so much the same.

As I slowly come to understand why I act the way I do with some people, I also begin to understand why they act the way they do, and its causing me to be a lot more forgiving. I make mistakes. And so do you. And you know what? It's not the end of the world. (Not yet, anyway! Mayans...)

So forgive one more time, but really think about it, and maybe there won't be a next time to worry about.

Do you think that you are "self-aware"? Do you think that it's important?

Men and Women Can't Be Friends

If you follow me on twitter, you might have seen this video I posted a couple of days ago. If not, enjoy, before I dive in:

Honestly, you only have to watch the first minute to realize that it's true: men and women can't be friends. Without fail, every girl says yes, and every guy says no. It doesn't get much clearer than that, right?

I have a lot of things swirling around in my head about this one. I'm sure had I been interviewed, I would have said yes, just like the rest of the girls. Because I want to be friends with guys, but evidently, it's not gonna happen.

So I guess my only option now is to ask: what now?
If you agree (or if you don't!) that guy and girls can't be friends, what does that mean? How does that change communication and interactions between guys and girls? Should it change?

Does this make you want to watch When Harry Met Sally?
Please chime in with a comment, I'm really interested in what you have to say!

Learning: Why?

Hi.

How are you? Doing well? I hope you are.
Perhaps understandably, my last post was a little difficult to write and publish. Part of my stubbornness manifests itself in the form of wanting to seem like I've got it all together. I just want people to see that I can handle the things given to me, and do the tasks assigned to me with finesse.

So this post is even harder. The past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about dating and relationships, and having conversations with a lot of people about those things. After having broken up with my boyfriend of five years in July, I casually dated a new guy. And then that kind of stopped, for various reasons: our personal goals and convictions are different, distance, and some other things I probably don't know about. And while I can reason that this is best, and it is what I actually want, I can't help but feel really deflated.

I've been thinking about that emotion, and telling people "Yeah, we're not gonna date, and that's probably best, but for some reason I'm really bummed." Most everyone just says, "Aw, that's tough. Sorry, " and gives that pity look -- you know the one.

So what? Why am I -- someone who is strong, smart, happy, and blessed -- feeling so helpless?
I think it comes down to how I relate to men.

I look to the men in my life to affirm, love, appreciate, lead, discipline, encourage and support me. Look at those things: they aren't bad, right? All positive elements of a good relationship. Except that the only place that I look for that is in men. Usually one.

Why?
I have a superb group of female friends and leaders, a supportive church family and mother, but for whatever reason, their attempts to fill those roles for me just seem to fall flat. Why?

Much to my dismay, I don't have the answer to that question. But I'm thinking about it, and praying about it. If you have any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them. It's gettin' real! Until next time, friends.

On Being Sincere

I've been thinking about language, lately. (English major, shocker!) One of the things that people really enjoy doing is correcting your use of language. When they ask how you're doing and you reply with "I'm doing good," they correct you with "Don't you mean you're 'doing well'?" A little grammar, that they feel like they are helping you with, right? (Just let me speak!) Or maybe you yell "I HATE STUPID DRIVERS!" while you are caught in traffic, and they ask "Do you really hate those people? Are you sure you aren't just frustrated with the situation?" (These people may also deserve an eye roll. Don't judge my driving habits!) They are questioning your sincerity, which may or may not be a valid question.

That's kind of the idea I've been stuck on recently. I say I love a lot of things. I'm talking a huge range, from "I love mint chocolate chip ice cream" to "I love your laugh." And I was thinking to myself, I need to be more aware of how I'm using that word, love. I can't just love everything, all the time! That's ridiculous.  But is it? Is it inaccurate for me to say that I love it when a friend uses my full name when they talk to me? Is it wrong to say I love the way the sun beams into my window right before it sets?

I don't think so. When I say I love something, I really, actually do. And a lot of times, when I tell someone I love something they do, or a conversation we're having, or a situation we're in, or something that is part of their personality, as cheesy at it might sound, I actually mean that I love them. I'm not talking romantically here, though. Love like the way you love your best friend, or your parents or siblings (when they aren't driving you crazy). Just truly, sincerely thinking that someone you know is a really awesome person who you want to be around as much as you can.

It seems to me that people are afraid of that in our generation. We don't want to say that we love anyone. Why? Are we afraid of rejection? That they might think we're weird, or awkward? I'm over that, people. I love my friends. They are weird, and nerdy, and hilarious, and honest, and caring, and crazy, and all around, the most phenomenal people I've ever known.

You know what I mean? :)

Produce

Well, I'm back at school and things are getting into full swing. It's going to be quite the year, a year full of changes and miracles and hardships and joy.

Today, I decided to take some time alone to pray and read my bible instead of going to church. It seemed like a good idea to be alone, and just have time to recharge.

I'm studying Philippians right now, and for my first day, I finished with chapter one, verse 11.

(I'm particularly fond of the "God's Word" translation, so that's what I'll share with you.)

¹¹Jesus Christ will fill your lives with everything that God’s approval produces. Your lives will then bring glory and praise to God.

So, now I'm wondering, what is it that God's approval produces? I can come up with some stereotypical answers: blessings, happiness, the usual. But what is it that we receive by earning God's approval.

We already have his love, but by earning his approval, we gain something different, and I'm curious to what you think that is. Fill me in!

Long Time

No talk?

Hello readers! Are you still around? I hope so. If my friends' consensus is any indication, this semester is the hardest we've ever had, so that has a lot to do with my absence and perhaps yours.

Today, just some musings.

Recently, I've heard several people say that they don't need other people or a big building for a church. That they can have church, and be with God just as well on their own at home alone. While I don't see anything wrong with occasionally skipping out on church, lately I have come to realize the true and irreplaceable value of community.

I've experienced two specific instances of this lately.

Last weekend, some good friends of my were baptized at a local church. I've never been to a "baptismal service" before, like this one, where 6 people baptisms were interspersed with worship and prayer, but let me tell you, I'll never miss one again. Not only is it beautiful to see someone you care for show their obedience to God through baptism, but the community and sense of family experienced that night was magnificent. At one point, we were able to gather around and put our hands on the newly baptized people and just pray for them; that God would bless them in their obedience, praise God that he had led them into joy so far, and that their lives would be an example to others. It was electric. It was the first time in a long time that I have experienced real joy.

Last night I had another great community experience. After our InterVarsity large group, about 12 of us got together to watch a cheesy movie, had some delicious hot wings and once our movie was over, just talked and enjoyed each other's company. We spent probably an hour, which involved some great head and shoulder massages, just talking and laughing and being together. It was exactly what I needed.

So as far as I know, you can say that you are closest to God on your own, but I know that there is nothing quite like the love and joy you get from living your life with your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Highlights: 2010

Just a few of this years shenanigans.

Have a favorite?

Conviction: Between a Rock and...

Well, you know.

One of the things that I struggle with in regards to service and giving is the discrepancy between what I have and need in material things compared to what others have and need in them.

In general, I have more than I need, and many people in the world don't even have the things they need to live, let alone live comfortably. I have all the food I could want to eat, clean running water, indoor plumbing, heating and air conditioning, a car, money for gas, nice clothes, a laptop, beautiful jewelry, a room of my own, a phone and so many other things. In other parts of the world and right here in my city, there are plenty of people who don't have two cents to rub together, let alone all of the luxuries I live with.

Hence the struggle for me. How do I justify the excess that I live in when I know so many people in the world are hurting and hungry? And it's complicated by the way I feel about ranking and comparing: these people aren't better or worse than me, nor do I deserve more than they do, but it is still important that I help, isn't it?

Though it is still a day-to-day issue for me, here's my thoughts on the issue now.

First, God has given us many blessings, and he wants us to appreciate and enjoy them.
"There, in the presence of the Lord your God, you and your families will eat and enjoy everything you’ve worked for, because the Lord your God has blessed you." Deuteronomy 12:7

However, as we've been discussing, it's important to love and help others:
"The second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’" Matthew 22:39

So what it comes down to is balance. If I know there is something that I don't need or use, shouldn't I give it to someone who does need it? It doesn't mean I need to sell everything I have and give it all to the poor, but I shouldn't live in a mansion either.

What are your thoughts on this? I'm still so frustrated by the two! Leave a comment with your ideas or advice!

Conviction: A Gift

Merry Christmas!

Today, we celebrate the greatest gift ever given.

I hope it inspires you to give in the same selfless way.


Stephanie

Conviction: My Girl

I have wanted to sponsor a child for a long time, but different issues have prevented me from doing so until very recently, when I had the opportunity at a Women of Faith Conference.

In the arena where the conference was held, World Vision was one of the biggest sponsors, and as well as having many booths situated about the arena, they had placed a child's information on each chair. After getting seated, I picked mine up, and slid out the little slip of paper that told me about this child. Serah, the card said was her name, and her picture was small but colorful.

As cheesy as it might sound, I started loving that little girl at that moment. Here was a flimsy piece of paper that only told me her birthday and gave me the tiniest glimpse into her life, but my goodness, did I love her. My mom looked at her child's packet, and a few others in nearby empty seats and asked me if I wanted a different one, but the answer was definitely negative. Little Serah who was not quite three years old was the one I wanted.

Though many things have influence my journey towards living a life full of service, very few have influenced me as strongly as the knowledge that I can change my girl's life, millions of miles away in South Africa -- the knowledge that I need to change her life.

So now I am. I send $35 every month, on the 25th of each month, and that money will help to feed her, give her clean water, pay for school clothes, and supplies and medications and anything else that she needs to grow into a strong, beautiful and healthy woman. And I know that it won't end there. When she is equipped to become everything that God made her to be, she can do the same for others.

I love my girl, and the change that she means for me and the world.
Do you sponsor a child?

Conviction: Misplaced

As we continue here with the RFP series on different issues that deserve some attention, let's look at why there are so many hungry people in the world.

Like the issues thus far, money (and what is done with it) has a lot to do with ending hunger. In past years, the cost of food has risen at an alarming rate, and for people in underdeveloped countries who may not receive more than a few dollars a day, a sharp increase in the price of food staples (like rice or other grains) can be a big issue.

Though a lot of the factors in the "food crisis", as several sources term it, can be helped by outside involvement, plenty are rather irreversible. Rising fuel prices make it more expensive to transport food items to where they are bought and consumed, and that price is reflected in the amount paid by the consumer. In many African nations, military conflict and raids have displaced entire populations, and when unable to rely on their tradition food sources, the groups cause strain to be put on other healthy systems.

It's important to look at this more clearly though. "Sure, sure, food is more expensive. It's more expensive to buy strawberries in January, but whatever!" One might argue that point, and yes. That's true. But the increase we are looking at here is unbelievable.

World Vision cites these numbers from the Food and Agriculture Association:
The cost of maize has increased by 80%.
The cost of wheat has increased by 70%.
The cost of rice has increased by 25%.

That is huge. And like I mentioned before, these are staples -- the things that make life livable. So where is the money? The money that could be spent to help alleviate the poverty that prevents so many people from getting a meal at least once a day?

Lets do a little experiment here:

There are 6,892,727,905 people in the world right now,
and 1,030,493,710 of them are undernourished.

There has been 5,134,630,478 tons of food produced this year,
and 130,620 tons wasted today in the USA alone.

Americans have spent $117,276,615 on food today, only to throw it away,
and it would only cost $35,474,859 to feed the hungry.

Honestly, it kind of makes me sick.
So what are you going to do to change those numbers?

Food and Books?!

So, I don't usually do this, because I feel like there are enough blogs that are collections of cool photos from other people, but you all needed to see this.


Thus, I interrupt my regular programming for this:

(via tart house)

These people have put a bookcase in their island and it's full of COOKBOOKS. Sure, the rest of the kitchen is clean -- that's nice, not my thing. But this bookcase! This is so ingenious and pretty I almost can't stand it.

I guess that's it, really. But gosh. I love it!

Conviction: 31 Days to Serve the World

As I write this post, there are 6,887,790,073 people in the world, and the number keeps growing.(1)

In the United States alone, there are 310,823,879 people.(1)

That's all well and good, right? But here's what gets me:

This year, 4,617,263 have already died from water-related diseases, and since there are 1,452,739,846 people without access to clean water, the deaths will continue.(1)

This year, 1,867,113 people have died from HIV/AIDS, and another 32,885,805 people are infected.(1)

Today, in Africa, 2000 children under the age of 5 years old will die from Malaria. Hundreds upon hundreds of other children are affected by dirty water, lack of food, their parents' deaths and the deaths of their guardians.(2)

And though these statistics are just that -- numbers that tell you that tragedy is widespread -- these statistics are not only numbers. They are actual flesh and blood people. People that you and I should care about.

Here at Real Fine Place, December 2010 is the month of conviction. After having quite a few experiences that have showed me God's love, and how it should be extended to the world, I'm convicted that I have to love people the way Jesus would have -- people here and people a million miles away -- and that extends into telling other people about it. For the 31 days that make up December, each will have a post that I hope will provide you with a little insight, hope or inspiration to love the world the way Jesus does.

Each weekday, I'll post a little bit about one of four issues that I've chosen for the month: HIV/AIDS, Poverty in the US, Hunger, and Malaria. Then, on the weekends, posts will be about why helping others even matters, and what to do about it. Of course, regular posts will be peppered in too, so I hope you can keep up!

Here's to the world!
(The statistics at the top of the post come from 1. Worldometers and 2. World Vision)

The Who's Who

There is a phenomenon in the United States and the world over. It pervades conversations between close friends, gossip amongst rivals and diplomacy by leaders around the world. Sometimes it can be useful, but often it rationalizes poor decisions or behavior and assigns unrealistic values to people or things.

Ranking.

We love to rank, to grade, to sort, to arrange. We have the Billboard Top 100, "Sexiest Man of the Year", Best Cities in America to Raise a Family. There is the World's 10 Wealthiest People and the 25 Poorest Countries. The list, no pun intended, goes on and on.

The idea of ranking things irks me very deeply. It generalizes people and issues and usually it isn't pretty. It carries through to all elements of our lives, and to be honest, I'd love to eliminate it completely.

In Christianity, it springs up and makes for uncomfortable differences and distinctions -- problems are created unnecessarily between people. Too many times I have heard people minimize the struggles of others by comparing and ranking them.

"I had a rough day today, and I haven't eaten dinner yet."
"Well, you should be glad you are getting a meal at all, since hundreds of children die of starvation everyday."

Does this exchange help those starving children? No. Does it help the person who had a rough day and just needs a meal and a friend to talk to? No. It only serves to belittle the all-too-real struggles of someone who is right here, right now. And believe me, I'm not trying to say that our needs here are more important than starving children. There is no "more important" or "less important". There are only needs that must be satisfied -- ranking and valuing them doesn't help anyone. You should help the people you are equipped to help, right where you are.

What are the greatest commandments?

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind."

If we are following this commandment, then the second should become an extension of the first -- if we love God with everything we have, then won't we love the people he loves?

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself." (Find those in Matthew 22:37-40)

Our reaction to suffering or unhappiness in the lives of people around us should not be to put them in their place or even decide whether their struggle is big enough for us to care about. It should be to love them, because that is what God would do.

I'm not saying this will always be easy or fun. It probably won't be. But don't the people around you deserve God's love -- not because they are a starving child, but because they are His child?

So: love. Love the person next to you in class, or on the bus. Love the homeless man on your streetcorner. Love Billy Graham and Britney Spears. Love the poorest of the poor and the wealthy entrepreneurs. Just live it out, and don't bother deciding whose best or worst.