27 January 2010

Fear of the Unknown

Though I've done plenty of things that should have scared me silly because I had never done them before, I don't ever remember being very scared.

I did a four day backpacking trip into the Grand Canyon. Was I anxious? Definitely. But not scared. I loved every second of it, even hiking along ledges with a 25 pound pack in the dark. It was exhilarating.

I've run a horse through a pattern as fast as we can, aiming for and then swiftly turning around barrels and poles. But the first time wasn't scary at all.

But now, I'm afraid. Not because of an assumed danger, or an intimidating factor like that. I'm afraid because I might know exactly what God wants me to do with my life. And having God tell you what he wants you to do -- well that's quite the event.

I guess you deserve some background for this whole thing, right? I know, I get ahead of myself. I spend a lot of time thinking about what God's plan is for my future. I know that he has one for me, for everyone, but being in college and having to make all of these decisions on what I'm going to do with my life means that the subject of 'the future' comes up way too often. Pretty regularly, I talk about it with my good friend, Jordan S. She's feeling the same way I am, so she asked God to give her a verse to clarify what she thought God was telling her.

And he did. He showed a verse that (though she had never seen it before) aligned directly with what she had seen as her plan for her future. It was perfect.

So I knew I had to try it. To open myself up to God, and to ask him to tell me what I need to do for him, and then to listen when he told me.

Now? I'm scared! It seems silly, but the idea that in a brief moment, I might understand even a tiny portion of the plans He has for me is mind-blowing. Am I ready to know the path that my life will take? My relationship with Him has never been better, and I feel so connected that I feel like he could walk up right now and tell me what's what! I've spent all this time asking God why I couldn't just know his plan, but now that I know that he just might give me a glimpse, I'm scared silly.

But I'm going to do it. I know that's what I need to do.

Have you ever done something in your relationship with Christ that has been intimidating or scary? Any advice?

(Maybe a better title would have Fear of the Soon-to-be-Known!)

P.S.: That's my new bible and prayer journal. In love with both.


  1. I am so excited for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens! :)

  2. Thanks! I still haven't done it... but now it's just because I've been too busy!